


Will you catch me when I fall?

by kinjohira



Category: JO1 (Japan Band), Produce 101 (Japan TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, Dark, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Abuse, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23666368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinjohira/pseuds/kinjohira
Summary: "Your existence is a disturbance, Ohira Shosei."
Relationships: Kinjo Sukai/Ohira Shosei, Ohira Shosei/Tsurubo Shion
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	Will you catch me when I fall?

For once, Shosei felt his feet going stronger as he stepped carefully to the edge of the roof. The wind was breezing hard through his cheeks and temple, shivered his lonely and murky heart in the process. The city at night was as dark as his expressions, no stars, no moon, just like his empty eyes that were filled with his conflicted feelings. He felt the time was stopped beyond his will. No sound, no music to accompany him at the bottom of his own personality downfall.

As expected, no one cares. No one would be right by his side.

Shosei looked down for once, seeing himself only 100 ft left from the ground. He had always liked the feeling of him being at the top of the world. Observing people moving like ants doing their works. Humans are such a dynamic being, he thought. Him, solely experienced this freeze bubble is not fair. But that was life, and he would end the shit he had been holding on for 20 years.

"You doubt yourself?"

A voice, a very familiar voice caught Shosei's ears. He was confused, he didn't feel cars honk, the music played in the streets, but why could he hear that voice? Shosei turned over behind him. He put up his painful smile, the smile he had been fond of for so many years.

"What are you doing here?" with a soft voice he had, Shosei mumbled. 

The other just shrugged as if it was a usual appearance for someone to be on the edge of a rooftop and preparing to jump. His eyes showed his indifferent emotions, noting to Shosei of how much he wasn't curious to Shosei's deep intention.

"Hanging out. This is my sacred place, remember?" He smirked as he approached Shosei and leaned his back on the bars harshly, making Shosei's feet to tremble.

Shosei pursed his lips in anger. Unbelievable. This man was the person that caused everything to be tangled. His life which he had dreamed to be filled with flowers were ruined. He was the cause of the bruises on his back, the cause of swollen cheeks, puffy eyes, and slice marks on his wrist. This man was every word of living hell, the one that brought him to destruction and agony. The fact that he didn't care about what happened to him was enough to bring the fire in Shosei's heart.

"You really don't care about, me huh?"

"You think by making yourself a hoe that lurks for me it will bring you that privilege? Hell, you are a nobody, Ohira Shosei." that man's words stabbed his heart, although his heart was already frozen since long ago.

"I may not be a nobody, but I have rights. I have the right to confront you with what you have done to me."

His lips were trembling, not only by fear and the cold weather but also his fragile being to face the harsh reality of his life. Especially after he met the man beside him. The other was silenced for a matter of time, not denying the statements. He looked over with his sharp and cold nature, his corner lips going upwards as he talked.

"But you don't have the ability, right?"

The answer was obvious, and the truth really hurts. Shosei had always been living in vain because of him, but he didn't have the power to object, and he regretted it. His school life was all about obeying the other's demand for his body and mind. It should be unintentional at first, but that man was constraining him, and he stupidly addicted to it. It was like a spell was bound for him to escape from that man's trap.

Shosei couldn't answer at that man's question with his now gritted teeth. He was silenced like a dead body, and yeah it will be in a few minutes he thought.

That man smiled in victory while looking past the dark sky that spread across the city. Although no stars decorated the black canvas, he could see bright lights with colorful yellow colors complying with it. It was a beautiful sight, and he should be giddy, if not only he lost his feeling.

The silence between the two of them was heavy and pressuring with how Shosei himself was still battling with himself either to jump and left the person beside him in shock or stayed there to enjoy the company he had been craving for so long. 

"You know, Ohira Shosei." the man started, and Shosei's ears twitched at his name being called. It was smooth, but he always hated it when it got slipped by the other's tongue. 

"You should just jump. You want to erase me off your life, don't you?"

No, it didn't hurt to hear those harsh words being thrown at him. 

He already had faced rigorous reality, those words shouldn't faze him.

But he also had limits.

"Then why don't you just disappear already? All these 5 years bothering me is not fucking enough?!"

With his fuming rage and his countless broken heart, he finally let out a scream. Tears were building at the corner of his brown orbs. This was not how he wanted his life to end. It was better not to see that man's face anymore, his forgotten memories came back in split seconds. He hated this. It affected his decision. All his yearn, his longing, stroked him more as he saw the other locking his gaze on his eyes. He had tried to forget this man, but he couldn't, it didn't feel right.

"You abused me. You kicked me out of my senses. You snapped me out of anger. You punched me for your amusement. Have you done enough?! You selfish monster."

Shosei felt his lungs burning from all the screams he let out. Tears streamed down his cheeks and his legs went weak, threatening to make him fall. But it was better than holding all of his burdens.

Another heavy silence enveloped them, and after a whole 5 minutes, a voice was heard.

"I did it because of you." the man answered nonetheless.

_I fucking know that._ Shosei cursed lightly, but it wasn't heard by the other. 

"But you are the one that started all of this spiral, Ohira Shosei. You also made me become like this, couldn't detach from you. You are not innocent, so stop with your victim play. We are equally guilty."

"I did abuse you with my own intentions. But you always came to me, like you wanted my attention. You approached me and greeted me without any of my consent. You barged into my life and you made me suffer. You already had your man, but you made me fall in love with you. You had no mercy for me."

Shosei caught those words. _you made me fall in love with you._

It wasn't a basic knowledge for everyone to notice when someone has a crush on you, but truth to be told, Shosei got that knowledge. He knew the other had feelings for him since the very start they met at the entrance ceremony. Those kind smiles for him, those gentle and clumsy gestures with a lot of care. The other always gave him the healing he needed. 

He took the wrong step when he decided to date someone from another class. He accepted the sudden confession, bringing his own misery to raise to the surface. The usual gentle manners were gone and changed into something much more dreadful. The other started to bully him and abused him badly. For 3 years straight.

Regardless of the abuses he got, he did care for the other. With his daily occasion of watching him sleeping in the class, and playing with his friends, Shosei had never had any regrets of slowly falling towards the other, although he already got himself a significant other.

Yes. Shosei did fall in love. And he regretted it. His love was becoming too much that he accepted those abuses whole-heartedly. The tortures, he noticed it as a form of deep affection. And he got addicted to it.

With his memories flooding his deep corrupted minds, Shosei turned over with his back facing the open air. He smiled painfully to the man beside him and leaned over.

"You might not notice, but ever since you were gone, I was the one that is suffering from the mess you made. You, hanging helplessly on your bedroom, was the fire to my sorrow. You are the one that made me depressed. I hate that I love you so much. I hate that when you take your last breath, you did it without my permission. And now, you still coming to see me, abuse my mind after all you have done to my life. You know that I missed you so much and screw you, Tsurubo Shion."

The handsome man smiled at that. 

"If you really hate me that much, then jump, Ohira Shosei."

That sentence was like a magic spell as Shosei felt his legs were not holding his weight anymore. His body followed the wind as he met the open air.

And then he finally fell to meet the ground.

* * *

_"Shion!"_

_"Oh, Shosei! Where were you? I've saved us seats for the auditorium."_

_"You don't have to Shion, Sukai has saved me the seats."_

_"Who's that?"_

_"I haven't told you, haven't I? He's... my boyfriend."_

* * *

_Shion was having a slumber sleep when he felt a hand stroked his hair gently. He woke up to see Ohira Shosei greeted him with a soft smile._

_Consciously, he slapped that hand and punched the man in front of him._

_"Get away from me and never show your face in front of me."_

_"Your existence is a disturbance, Ohira Shosei."_

_With that, Shosei still smiled softly at Shion._

_"I know, but I still love you, Tsurubo Shion."_

* * *

The last breath was taken from him, but he still smiled.

He saw his loved one approached him, bringing him to the half existence. 

And yes. This is what he had always wanted. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't kill me! ><  
> I have been wanting to write this kind of angst lol, but yeah, I'm sorry that I killed them :(
> 
> Also, there will be part two of the series, depicting their past school life and how they are lead to this, so stay tune!


End file.
